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I should run for political office just to see what kind of scandalous dirt they dig up. It would be nice to piece together my twenties.
Difference between men and women: Women can change their mind whenever they want. Men can change their mind whenever the woman wants.
Empty your medicine cabinet and put another mirror in there. Scares the hell out of snooping house guests.
i wish i could sleep ... but my damn A.D.D. kicks in and basically 1 sheep, 2 sheep, cow, turtle, duck, Ol McDonald had a farm, HEEEY Macerena.
When one door closes, another opens ... I had a Chevette that was like that.
I would just like to personal thank all the people in my life that have caused me so many problems, for making me the as$ I am today!
Her: I love it when we finish each other`s Him: pancakes
My wife told me I suffer from a lack of imagination. I said, "Yeah? Well you suffer from a lack of imagination." That showed her.
For just 3 cents a day, all of my followers can help me quit my job...
There`s nothing more terrifying than accidentally making eye contact with a mall kiosk worker.
After all these years I finally figured out that that last little piece of soap is more trouble than it`s worth.
I should probably do some housework before they try to film the next Febreeze commercial here.
dreams of a better world... where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned
Roses are red, violets are blue. I hate you bye
Well, if you`re going to question my reputation and credentials as a gynecologist,I suggest you get the hell out of my office van.