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Birthdays back then: Wow! Look at all these presents!. Birthdays now : Wow damn look at all these notifications!.
If I truly posted what was on my mind ... I´d most likely be in a psychiatric hospital right now.
Had a blast doing my Black Friday tradition!!!! I slept!
So no pizza place on Ninja Turtles ever questioned the delivery address being “The Sewer”
I said "Candyman" 5 times into the bathroom mirror and sure enough some woman came out of the stall and screamed at me for being in there.
A "long story" is just a short story that no one wants to tell.
You`ve got to love yourself. But not in public places.
You never know what you have until..... you clean your room
My doctor said I’m healthy enough for sex, just not attractive enough.
My theory: Every squirrel you see is currently on a dare from another squirrel
First, Ray Rice. Now, Adrian Peterson. The prison football league is going to be off the chain this year.
The first rule of elevator club is don`t talk to other members of elevator club.
NASA has confirmed that December 21, late afternoon, the sky will be very dark. It is an interesting phenomenon called "night".
"Don`t cry because its over, smile because his new girlfriend looks like a horse."
My girlfriend wanted me to come shopping, but I had a headache... I must have caught it from her last night when we didn`t have sex.