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my ex girlfriends started they`re own website they call it two faced book...
Coffee...Meet your Maker!
On the bright side, all that coal will keep me warm this winter.
If someone asks me if I need help finding something in a department store I like to slowly describe a gun
So in between the 4 seconds that I missed your call and managed to call ya back, you`ve fallen off the face of the earth?
Dont piss me off...I`ll give your number to all the kids and tell them it`s Santa`s hot line!
If you can`t celebrate Valentine`s Day with someone you love, forget about it at a bar that you like...
Some psychologists say that sleeping naked can help boost a person`s confidence, but nobody in this park seems to appreciate it.
Keep reaching for the stars but get a better deodorant.
I just came online to check the weather. That was 12 years ago.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sandwiches are tasty, rhyming is hard
I would not mind living next to a serial killer. They never kill the neighbor. He`s the one that`s always on the news later saying "He was a quite guy, never really talked to anyone." Wait a minute ... I don`t talk to my neighbors!
The first person to see a sunset was probably like well this ain`t good.
You mean you can actually put the cork back in a wine bottle? WHY!!??
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever.