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My doctor said I needed to reduce stress. Great, now I have that to worry about.
The worst part about calling in for a sick day is the pressure of knowing you only have one shot to do the “I’m sick” voice.
No one has ever said, "You know what would make this even better? ... Turkey bacon."
Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair
RAIN!!!! :) I guess my rain dances must have worked. Some people call it stumbling around... I call it rain dancing.
May the bridges I burn light the way.
Running away does not help with the problems unless you are fat
The only person whom a woman listens carefully & follows sincerely & does exactly as he says is a photographer
Scientists are adding an extra second to the year 2015. Yeah. Here`s the bad news. You just wasted it reading this post.
Just saw Abe Lincoln Vampire Hunter... So that`s how it happened! I knew what I learned in history class was a bunch of crap!
It`s depressing to think how much more Dora the Explorer has seen and done in her life compared to mine.
The most unrealistic part of cooking shows is when they have enough room in their fridge to fit an entire baking sheet.
I`m at the age where if someone says "Go big or go home," I`m usually fine with going home.
If the best things in life really are free, why am I still getting charged at the liquor store? I call bullshit
Be nice to your kids. They get to choose your nursing home.