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I have a pretty big ass, so when I half ass something you`re still getting something impressive.
Things I`ve learned: There`s no cool way to chase after a bouncing ping-pong ball.
Why does toilet paper need a commercial? Who is not buying this?
A computer losing its internet access is the equivalent of a car running out of gas, both become useless.
You should always love a woman for her personality. We have so many to choose from.
I gave up on humanity when I picked up this girl`s phone and saw that my number was saved as Free Food.
I`m glad I`m me, I don`t think anybody else could take it.
watching porn is like finding happiness in other enjoyment.....
You can`t be ugly and play hard to get. It just doesn`t work that way...your already hard to want
So can we just skip to summer now?
If she burns the bacon, she`s no good bro
My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy. I came back drunk.
If a turtle doesnt have a shell, is it naked or homeless ?
Marrying your high school sweetheart is like taking the banker`s first offer on Deal or No Deal.
Today, 2 year olds can unlock an iphone, open and close their favorite apps. All by themselves. When I was that age, I was eating silly putty.