Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My level of sarcasm is to the point where I don`t even know if I`m kidding or not.
The worlds gonna end in 5 days & I don`t know what I`m gonna wear.
A sofa is a vacation for your a$$...
Do whatever you want. And if it’s something you’re going to regret in the morning…sleep late.
I get so confused when I`m about to watch a TV show or movie and "For Mature Audiences Only" appears on the screen. Can I watch or not?
A golden rule to live by: Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics!
I couldn’t believe it yesterday, when I came home and was told by my wife that my 5-year-old son wasn’t actually mine. She says that I need to pay more attention when picking him up from school…
Marriage. Because otherwise hating someone for turning the page of a newspaper too loudly would seem absurd
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man
If you don’t count any of my failures, I’m quite successful.
I need more people like me in my life
Rob Stalker for congressman........Stalker....a name you can trust.
Sometimes entire relationships can only be described as “that weird thing I did for a while.”
I wish the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial would ride his motorcycle through my town.
I need a bank to do two things for me: give me a loan and leave me alone