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A woman saying “I’m not mad at you” is like a dentist saying “You won’t feel a thing.”
True love doesn`t care about the look or size of your wallet, it`s all about what`s inside ..... the wallet.
It`s a good thing Taylor Swift and Adele aren`t dating. Imagine if they broke up.
I`ll never forget what my dad said when I gave him the picture I drew and asked him to put on the refrigerator: "Wtf Dude, you`re 23."
I met this girl in a club last night, I think she’s a body builder. She just so happened to build hers using chips.
There should be an energy drink named 6 AM child
Does anyone have like twenty thousand dollars they don’t want? Asking for myself.
The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. Pretty sure she’s going to get me something.
I have no super powers. I`m guessing I`m the villain.
Madonna is 55 her boyfriend is 22. Tina Turner is 75 her boyfriend is 40. JLo is 42 her boyfriend is 26. Still single? Relax. Your boyfriend hasn`t been born yet.
Being gay is fine. Being lesbian is fine. Being straight is fine. But do you know what’s not fine? Wearing crocs. That is NOT okay
The fastest way to find out if your wife is just pretending to be asleep to avoid sex is to pick up her phone and start scrolling.
On one issue, at least, men and women agree: they both distrust women.
If pulled over, immediately ask the officer if they`ve been drinking in order to establish dominance.
Hey, car designers, you have kids, right? How is "limo window partition" between the front and back seat not an option yet?