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I bet the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial doesn`t ever ride his motorcycle on Martin Luther King Blvd in any town.
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.
Not sure why my wife is only mad at me, our 4 year old forgot her birthday too.
A walk of shame is always sad. Don`t make it worse by adding the sound of Flip flops to it.
is admitting to pushing Humpty Dumpty, he had it coming!!
Sometimes I think "What would Dexter do"?
It`s a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships.
Do you like me? Breathe for yes, lick your elbow for no.
i just caught a disease so rare that even i dont have it .
The bears had it right choosing to hibernate all winter.
The downside of dating intelligent women is having to Google what they call you when it ends badly
I`m going to stand outside. So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.
I hate when I wake up in a strange house, & have to go outside to look at a license plate to figure out what state I`m in.
I`d save a lot more money on car insurance if they quit spending billions on advertising.
Sometimes I wish my dog could talk…then I remember all the things he has seen me do when I’m alone.