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If my smartphone was so smart, then why it can`t do my math homework
If you want your wife or girlfriend to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
I like to log into facebook and leave a status just to show I`m here. Or am I?
Of all the martial arts, Karaoke inflicts the most pain.
If you ever hear me say that I missed you it`s only because I have bad aim.
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn`t concentrate.
You pay more attention to the TV than you do me! - Ma`am, do you want me to fix your cable or not?
Destiny may decide who touches your Life. Your heart may decide who touches your Soul. But…Tequila decides who touches your body
Thanks for posting another selfie. I completely forgot what you looked like 24 hours ago.
Today is that day where anything you read online could be totally made up. Oh, wait, that`s every day.
It’s been “one of those days” for like 3 years now.
The light does go out in the fridge ... Now I have to wait for someone to let me out.
I hate long distance relationships. That`s why I moved the fridge into my bedroom.
Help I`m covered in chameleons & no one believes me
Ever wonder if we`re just a reality TV show for a more intelligent species?