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People who help you find what you are looking for in a liquor store should be called "Spirit Guides."
Computer froze? Just press all the keys.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don`t know what he laced them with, but I`ve been tripping all day.
I got up at 7:00 this morning .. lather rinse repeat ... How long do you have to do this for?
Have you ever partied so hard that you feel like you may have damaged your DNA?
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed, it ruled.
Being a camera must be pretty cool. You get to sleep until there`s something cool to see.
Don`t think I didn`t notice that you deleted your status when no one Liked it.
Pay no attention to the device around my ankle.
How long do I have to stand in front of the microwave for to become a member of X-Men?
You can lead a horse to water but I`d rather ride it to the liquor store.
My doctor said I need to drink more water every day, so I have started putting ice cubes in my vodka.
What if Spider Man has to stop a crime in the countryside
Several years ago Facebook came in to our lives forever changing our ability to judge each other from our couches.
My credit score is so bad I have started receiving pre-declined credit card offers