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If your Facebook post requires me to hit “continue…” get a diary.
If that was me in the movie Taken, my dad would have missed the call and texted me 3 days later asking if I have a girlfriend yet.
A wireless bra? They weren`t tricky enough, now I need a password?
I got this new calorie counting app ... Every day I go for a new high score ... Winning!
Have some fun: goto the local bar. Play every Justin Beaber song and leave.
I flunked anger management class.
Sometimes I whisper, "I´m on your side" to the computers, just in case they ever succeed in taking over the world.
thinks the voices in my head are out of beer.
Forecast for tonight: Dark.
I`m easily influenced... That`s why I try not to watch too much porn
Do you ever get the feeling that you’re being watched? Because if it’s bothering you, I’ll stop.
Drink till she´s cute, but stop before the wedding
People who actually rate porn videos are the unsung heroes of our generation.
I used to question how much information was too much information. Joined Facebook, It`s much clearer now
I don`t understand why people pay therapists when I`ll tell them what`s wrong with them for free.