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If I go sleep at 6 in the morning, does it mean I go to sleep early or late?
Got an awesome watch for my birthday. It was waterproof, shockproof, fireproof, bulletproof, acidproof, childproof & scratchproof. I lost it already.
I BRIEFLY had an urge to clean ... but that lasted only 5 minutes .. whew! That was close! Lol
For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.
Heat causes things to expand, so I`m not fat; I`m just hot.
Oh, you have a brand new boyfriend? Please tell me more about how you think he`s `the one`.
Don`t let the propeller hat fool you... I have no idea how to fly this plane.
Kids, because why would you want to sleep on more than 6 inches of your king size bed?
I`m still trying to get over the fact that oranges are pre-sliced by nature.
Over the weekend I pulled a muscle getting off the couch to fetch more Doritos.
Example of the difference between `You`re`and `Your`: 1. "You`re nuts" = "You are nuts" 2. "Your nuts" = "What about my nuts?"
I`m not saying my wife`s voice is annoying, but right now I`m really jealous of deaf people.
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance… The five stages of waking up.
I can`t believe people used to have to paint selfies.
I`m glad the Eclipse is over so I can go back to staring directly into the sun.