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Porn is so unrealistic. There`s no way a guy with a ponytail could have a house that nice.
Wait...so the "c-word" isn`t co-worker?
I’m glad you’re learning to laugh at yourself. That was kind of getting awkward for the rest of us.
Never wake a sleeping woman. Because then she´ll be awake.
Me: "I want to travel more." Bank account: "Like, to the park?"
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like ten so you can choose.
Learned today that it`s about 12 min after realizing there`s no TP in the stall that you ask yourself how important your socks really are.
Why is it called cat nip and not meowjuana?
Guess what I saw today? Everything I looked at.
Look in the mirror and tell me that God does not have a sense of humor.
I hate it when TV shows say they contain "adult situations" but then don`t show anyone going to work, paying their bills or cleaning up their kid`s vomit.
People would believe everything I say.. if it wasn`t for everything I say.
Folks, there`s no need to say GOODNIGHT on Facebook. NO ONE will be thinking " hey where did they go".
The parents with the ugliest babies take and post the most pictures.
The plans I make after work are in direct proportion to how much charge I have left in my phone battery.