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Of all the bands named after handicapped jungle animals, Def Leppard is my favorite.
The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. The first to open the vodka is the smartest.
I`m not saying I have a questionable work ethic, but I just got called lazy by a guy wearing velcro shoes.
The good thing about being tall is, you can`t get lost in a crowd. The bad thing is, you can`t get lost in a crowd.
Pumpkin for sale. Slightly used
Autocorrect is a great feature, but it can also be your worst enema.
"Hello Kitty" should have been a brand of condoms...
Hey NFL, solution to your recent problem, start allowing players to hit each other on the field again
This "NORMAL" you speak of, doesn`t sound fun at all.
My car remote died. I had to insert my key into the lock like some kind of goddamn animal.
For some people, a new year means a new chance to f*ck it up all over again.
Take time to reflect upon your day. Think of all the blessings you received, and everything you may be called to testify about :)))
Chickens: The only animals you eat before they`re born AND after they`re dead.
Life should be more like Hockey. If somebody pisses you off, you beat the sh!t out of them, then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes
I wish karma would send me email notifications.