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Relax,,, We`re all crazy.. It`s not a competition.
Oh, I thought you were talking about napping. In that case no, I`m not good in bed.
Let me just flip this here omelette.... aaaaaand I`m having scrambled eggs
I`m not everyone`s cup of tea ... I`d rather be someone`s shot of tequila away.
How big does a cupcake have to be before it`s just a cake?
Just realized I have more in common with Garfield than I have with most people
Its amazing how much more tolerable thanksgiving with the family becomes after the 5th cocktail…
When one door closes, another opens ... I had a Chevette that was like that.
I like superheroes but I`d rather hang out with the villains.
I would like to learn one of those clicking languages from Africa because I get the feeling my knees are trying to tell me something.
Trying to untwist a twizzler is a real b*tch and this gas station cashier yelling at me isn`t helping.
I always assume anyone sitting alone in a car in the dark corner of a grocery store parking lot is waiting to meet a hitman who is running late.
I`d love to drown my problems... I just can`t get my spouse to go swimming!
at my age, the best part of waking up is the fact that I did wake up
I could actually watch golf on TV if Land Mines were involved.