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I inboxed a girl on Facebook and she never replied. I guess you could say we`re `seen` each other.
FYI fellas: if you wake up with some chick and you can`t remember her name, take her to Starbucks. They`ll write her name on the cup for ya!!!
Kids may be a gift, but I like playing with the box it came in.
I bought some shoes of a drug dealer, I don`t know what he laced them with but I`ve been tripping all day.
Yawning is our body`s way of saying 20% of battery remaining
If thought bubbles appeared above my head, I`d be screwed.
Can I have a free unlimited day trial of being attractive?
Brains are awesome! I wish everyone had one...
I`ll never fly Virgin Airlines. Why would anyone want to fly an airline that doesn`t go all the way.
That awkward moment when Adele finds someone like me
Shout out to people who are hard of hearing.
Some people think I`m quiet, others wish I was.
If someone says you`re not a mermaid, don`t talk to them. You don`t need that kind of negativity in your life.
My wife told me to get a real job or pack my bags! She must be losing it! Who threatens someone with a vacation?
B is the best letter of the alphabet: Boobs, Buns, Booty, Booze, Beer, Bourbon, and Bacon.