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Turtles do nothing and are slow as hell, yet they live for like 200 years. I`ll probably live forever.
Remember when phones were stupid and people were smart?
have you ever been like "what`s the day today? ... no i mean the like the number".
The next time there`s an awkward silence, try whispering, "Did you forget your line?"
Live life to its fullest even if that means eating everything in the fridge
Ordering a water with lemon says “I’m too cheap to buy a drink, but I still like a little zing.”
Just saw a coyote next to the highway. I hope this tunnel ahead isn`t just painted on.
I’m not shy, I’m just really good out figuring out who is not worth talking to.
This patience thing takes forever.
Screw you recommended serving size. You don’t know me.
If you tickle me, I’m not responsible for your injuries.
I want someone to look at me the way I look at cupcakes.
Nobody looks back at their life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep.
Of all the horrible ways to die I think healthy eating sounds the most painful.
If we`re in a situation where I am the "voice of reason," then we are in a very very bad situation.