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"Oh Sh!t, Was That Today?" my autobiography
I hate it when a website greets me with a pop-up window. It just feels like you should say hi first, maybe buy me a drink.
I told you I was trouble. You should have listened to me instead of staring at my boobs.
Fun things to do in Walmart: Take the ``try me`` stickers off of the toys & place them on condom boxes.
Change is always hard.... Especially when a jar of it falls on your head.
Coffee is gods way of saying "go ahead get trashed on a weeknight, I`ve got your back"
If I am home alone, there`s a 99% chance I`m naked.
The problem with the world is intelligent people are full of doubts, while stupid people are full of confidence.
When grown-ups tell kids they have a lot of energy, they really mean that they’re being annoying little bastards.
Just realized all books are different combinations of the same 26 letters. This is BS!
If you`re in a hole, stop digging...
To find out your dolphin name, lick your finger tips and rub a balloon
I gave my wife my email address but she keeps on speaking directly to me.
I have a condition that renders me unable to go on a diet… I get hungry.
It`s only a matter of time until "Security cameras of Wal-Mart" become a hit reality show.