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Is the CEO of Kraft also known as The Big Cheese?
"i wasn`t that drunk"..Dude!you tied me to a chair and bitch-slapped me,yelling "where`s Harry Potter!!"
Heard the local weatherman say, "high in the thirties" & now I know the title to my autobiography.
Met a girl for a first date and quickly found out that her version of "Do you want to go downtown?" is vastly different than mine.
Do you think retailers in Colorado have seen an increase in the sales of Easy Bake ovens and Brownie mix?
The ultimate act of trust is buying your spouse a gun, and then showing them the correct way to use it.
Always be yourself, unless you suck…and if you suck you should try being more like me.
I keep having this recurring nightmare that lasts 8 hours a day, Monday through Friday.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don’t be mad, I’ll be there too. Not in the cage but laughing at you.
I don`t care about your choice in politics, religion, or taste in music... I judge you simply based on football team preference
If you attached a bunch of watches together to make a belt it would be a waist of time.
Love is like a rubber band, we keep pulling, someone let’s it go, and it hurts the one who held on.
No one ever reads the rules of Monopoly unless an argument breaks out.
What do the letters DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association
What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed? Oh sheet.