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A wise man once said nothing.
I`m 99.9% certain that every time a sock goes missing in the dryer, it comes back as an extra tupperware lid
According to my neighbor’s journal, I have boundary issues.
My ex is living proof as to how stupid I can be.
The thing about smart mother f*ckers is... They sound like crazy mother f*ckers to dumb mother f*ckers!
I realized I eat too much fast food so I decided I would start cooking for myself. Does anyone here know how to "mcnugget" a chicken?
Blacking out when you’re drunk is god’s way of telling you that it’s none of your business what you do when you’re drunk.
God created the world in 7 days but took 9 months to create me. So clearly I’m a big deal...
Even atheists make bargains with God when the toilet water threatens to overflow at a friend`s house.
For those who know nothing of how to satisfy a woman: The G spot is located at the end of the word shopping.
Dear Kelloggs, Cereal that makes them go back to sleep. Sincerely, Tired parents
If one teacher cannot teach every subject, then how come one student is expected to learn all the subjects.
Anybody else have those FB friends that set up a FB account 4 years ago and posted once or twice and hasn`t been back on since? And you wonder how they can exist without a Life?
Hockey: because running on knives makes sense.
This is not meant for you. Look away. STOP LOOKING AT IT! :)