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whats the difference between a dog and a fox????? six shots
Bring multiple sets of clothes to work, change every hour, and act like nothing’s different.
Strangers are like birds. If you run at them screaming and waving your arms they will run away.
There’s a thin line between “I should do a status update about that” and “I should talk to a therapist about that”
Keys to a good friendship. Same taste in alcohol. Different taste in women.
If I suddenly had the ability to teleport, I’d spend an entire day popping up naked in front of people and asking for John Connor.
Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes.
Is it just me, or that sea witch Ursula from the Little Mermaid inspired from a full blown flamboyant drag queen?
Help keep America beautiful. Stay in your house today.
Nothing says lazy like laying on the couch making today`s responsibilities tomorrow`s problem.
The only beachfront property I`ll ever be able to afford is a sandcastle.
Someone asked me today what was the toughest thing about being a parent ... I would have to say it’s the kids.
Fun Game: Walk down a hallway with both arms outstretched to the walls while shouting, "Hug me or turn around!!!"
WebMD auto dialed an ambulance when I entered my chicken nugget intake.
Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever...