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My neck, My back, My Netflix and my snacks...
Diet goal: I want to lose just enough so that my hand will fit comfortably in a Pringles can...
My first mistake was thinking she couldn`t hit a moving target.
The more you know. Daylight Savings started back in 1964 when Jerry Daylight Savings was an hour late for work & convinced his boss all the clocks were wrong.
Lord, grant me the courage to be the person I am under my breath.
One day you will die, but every other day you won’t. So that’s pretty great, right? ... Inspirational posts are hard.
Marriage is something you should pay for and divorce should be free. You might think twice before buying into it.
If the river were beer and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and never come up..
If you don`t remember her name in the morning, take her to Starbucks.
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they`re going to be when you kill them.
I`d like to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with all of you, but I`m afraid they`ll be used against me in court someday.
Has anyone else ever noticed that the word therapist spells, "the rapist," when split into 2 words?
I don`t even understand Fantasy Football. There are no Dragons, Wizards, or hot ass Elven chicks. I call bullsh!t.
Won’t go back in my bathroom until spider is gone! Web search for “spider life span” reveals I will be able to shower again in 1 to 2 years.
Handy tip for new parents : Wake up your baby by gently resting your head on a pillow.