Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

If the sprayer in the sink can`t get it off and the dishwasher can`t get it off then I assume it`s just meant to be a part of the pan.
Checked myself for ticks ... but I didn`t hear anything.
I spend 95% of the time out of bed wishing I was back in bed
I’ve thought long and hard, and have decided on my New Year’s resolution ... 1024Γ—768.
I totally tricked this woman into sleeping with me. All I had to do was put a ring on her finger and live with her for the rest of my life.
Right now, a future teen mom is applying copious amounts of body glitter to herself.
Lazy Rule 47: If you spill water, it will eventually dry.
Does "Can I take your order?" sometimes mean "Let`s start a new life together" or am I reading too much into this?
don`t kiss the monitor, just ask me nicely..
MAY` contain nudity? Either it does or it doesn`t. DON`T WASTE MY TIME
My neighbor was singing in the shower again this morning. I didn’t mind though as I can`t hear anything through the telescope.
If God is a woman then how do you explain: 1) Spiders 2) Shoes you can`t afford 3) Periods 4) Men
Sometimes at the gym I`ll struggle and make all kinds of awkward grunting sounds, but eventually I`ll get my shorts on.
In Starbucks a customer went sh*t house rat crazy when they got a double shot of espresso instead of the triple shot they ordered ... I`m fine now.
I like to track people down, knock on their front door and say "we have ten people in common on Facebook, can I come in ?"