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Girls think that having their period is the most inconvenient thing they can experience. They`ve obviously never dated a girl who was on her period.
Sticks and stones may break your bones. Also good: lead pipes.
Turns out fantasy football is nothing like I thought it would be. Anyone interested in a naughty quarterback outfit? Serious inquiries only.
I beat my chess opponent in less than five moves with the chair I was sitting on!
My girlfriend ended up with a broken nose today because she wouldn`t listen to me... I said,"You`re about to walk into a lamppost."
Nothing screams DUI like wearing a really nice suit on a city bus.
I am a drinker ... Hear me pour
Is there a 5-second Rule for when you drop babies? ...Asking for a friend. JK people!!! LOL ;)
Don’t waste electricity. How would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?
That sounds fried. I`ll take it.
Sometimes I add things to my to-do list that I’ve already done just so I can immediately cross them off.
My browser asks "are you sure?" when I clear my history as if theres anyone more sure of what theyre doing than someone clearing his history
I think my other three stove burners are becoming jealous of front-right.
I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food. :)
You know you`ve reached adulthood when your bed is in the middle of the wall instead of in the corner.