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I`m thankful for many things, but mostly that there were no camera phones when I was in high school.
I wish I could afford to be as weird as I wanna be.
You, my friend, deserve a high-five... that’s four more fingers than I normally give.
When people with multiple personality disorders are about to die, whose life flashes before their eyes?
When a woman says "what?" its not because she didn`t hear you. She`s giving you a chance to change what you just said.
I don`t know where the saying "working like a dog" got started but I`m looking at my dogs daily routine feeling pretty jealous myself.
Go through a fast food drive thru. When they repeat your order back to you, say "And can I get that to go?" and enjoy the confused silence.
I don`t plan anything as well as I plan which alcoholic beverage I`m going to consume once I leave work.
if your an astronaut, and you don`t end a relationship with "look, I just need space.." then your wasting everyones time
I think Facebook is the Malaysian plane of the internet. No one on here has been seen by their family in weeks.
It`s no fun having nothing to do, fun is having a lot to do and doing nothing.
Dear whoever is playing sweet child o` mine at 2:30 in the night at full blaring volume to disturb the whole neighborhood......NICE!
We live in a time where "He is hot" is more important than "He is a nice guy."
Before Walmart you had to buy a ticket to the fair to see a bearded lady!
Hey, car designers, you have kids, right? How is "limo window partition" between the front and back seat not an option yet?