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As an adult, I use nunchucks way less than I expected.
I`m always tempted to yell "Kevin!" mid-flight.
I did not say you are stupid, I just said that you have bad luck when you`re thinking.
If a man repeats everything a woman says, word for word,,,,,,,, is he still wrong?
A show called the view shouldn`t hurt your eyes
Don’t be too flattered. If I’ve come up a fun nickname for you, chances are it’s because I’ve forgotten your real name. Sorry, Cowboy.
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written “eff off forever” instead of “keep in touch” in your yearbook.
boss- "You cant drink while your at work!" .. me- "Oh dont worry im not working!!"
Can you do me a favour? Stand in front of my car, I need to test my brakes.
50 Shades of Laze - My weekend plans
I always put in a full eight hours at work. Spread out over the course of the week.
take a left on crazy, keep going until you hit insane. Follow that down to lunatic, turn right on insomnia, way past retarded and there you are @ my place!
People who enjoy life, rarely have a flat stomach.
My chemistry teacher asked us what the heaviest metal was today. Apparently "Megadeath" was the wrong answer.
I deserve an Oscar for my performance in "Holy crap this is a terrible gift but I`ll pretend to love it."