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The guy below me obviously doesn`t know that R2-D2 is in movies, not television
I told my psychiatrist that I`ve been hearing voices. He told me that I don`t have a psychiatrist.
SCIENCE FACT: If you close your eyes, you won`t be able to see.
Smile, it confuses people. ;)
Don’t worry I won’t tell anyone.. and if I do, I’ll tell them not to tell anyone.
Sure, we can be friends. I get to be Chandler.
With the rise of self-driving vehicles, eventually there will be a country song about how your truck left you too.
My kid’s teacher told me my kid is obsessed with video games and that I need to work with her on it. I’m like I do. I’m player 2.
If you can say "I made six figures last year," you either have a well paying job or you`re the worst employee at a toy factory
What do crickets hear when they have an awkward silence?
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.
I changed my name in my daughters phone to God...just texted her and said "I saw that"
I don`t blame Monday. I blame Saturday for not matching my Powerball numbers
Weird how old people suddenly stop being so deaf the second you put music they don’t like on
Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.