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It is kinda at the point where everything in my life is a movie reference
Marriage tip: Don`t
Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.
If you`re a grown man walkin around with a winter hat that has animal ears I can tell that @ some point people used 2 take your lunch money
When I said I missed you, I meant with a hammer.
Come on snooze button, is 9 minutes all you have to offer...I need something in the 2-3 hour range.
You know it`s time to get a girlfriend when you masturbate in different positions
Police officer: Ma`am do you know why I pulled you over? Me: I`m just as confused as you are.
"Dora" only rhymes with "Explorer" if you`re from Long Island, New York
"Everything else tastes like us. Why do we need to die?" -chickens
“Screw it” – My final thought before making most decisions.
I`ve accidentally swallowed a load of scrabble pieces.........My next poop could spell trouble.
Taco Tuesday sends a terrible message to our nation`s children. They need to know that tacos are always an option no matter what day it is.
I can’t remember ever being told I’m a bad listener
I can`t figure out why everyone calls me a smart-ass. Is it because I`m smart and have a great ass?