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I like to imagine that braille on random public signs often says: “How did you know this was here?”
If thought bubbles appeared magically above my head I would be so screwed!
When it comes to bug protection, you just can`t beat "OFF!".
I used to care ... but I take a pill for that now.
There is no such thing as failure. There are only results.
I think "Don`t Kid Yourself" would be a great brand name for birth control pills....
Before asking a hot chick out, I wish I could first talk to the dude who`s sick of her bullsh!t.
You are by far my smartest and best looking friend on Facebook.
There needs to be more “damn it I missed my exit” exits.
Jobs are like relationships. You have them, you cry about it. You don’t have them, you cry about it.
When it comes to f*cking around, I don`t f*ck around.
Imagine how out of control drinking would if we didn`t have hangovers
Like a good neighbor, stay over there
I don`t want to brag or make anybody jealous, but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.
Every pair of panties can be a thong if your a$$ is big enough.