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Sometimes you run into people who change your life forever ... Bartenders, they are called bartenders.
I have a feeling my check liver light will come on this weekend
Naked yoga in the backyard is the best way to get the neighbors to pay for that privacy fence.
No matter how loud you crank the bass, it`s still a minivan.
Helpful Tip : Never ask the cop to hold your beer while you dig out your drivers license.
I went for a run but came back home after 2 minutes because I forgot something. I forgot that I`m fat and can`t run for more than 2 minutes.
I once had the desire to do something worthwhile with my life. Then I discovered naps.
If I had three wishes, I`d use one for boobs. Because I`m pretty sure I could get everything else that I wanted if I had boobs.
Happy Fourth of July!! Or as the rest of the world likes to call it, Friday.
I just went into an AOL chat room to ask someone how to start a fire with sticks.
If I had a nickel for every time I`ve misplaced my keys, there`d be a jarful of money I would also have to look for
I`m no super genius, but I bet the most effective way to lose "baby weight" is to have the baby.
I`m not interested in anything that requires 5 hours of energy.
Thinks that some of you make impulsive, poor thought out decisions. We should totally hang out more!!!
You want to see Americans become activists? Cancel a TV show they like.