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Whoever said imitation is the sincerest form of flattery hasn`t had a 7yo mimicking their every word for the last 10 minutes.
Always be yourself, unless you can be Batman, always be Batman.
Hi, im _____ but you could call me sexy.
If I had to describe myself in one word it would be “doesn’t know how to follow directions.”
My girlfriend just accused me of being unfaithful. I told her that is ridiculous and that she is starting to sound like my wife.
People who walk down the escalator. Stop it, we have enough over achievers!
Maybe America will believe in global warming if we make it a Snapple Fact.
Whenever being single gets me down, I like to close my eyes, take a deep breath and then go do whatever I want pretty much nonstop.
Only awesome people are allowed to ‘LIKE’ this status!
Deja Vu: When God thinks something is so funny he has to rewind it to show it to his friends
I just realized that Mr. Rogers had the first man-cave.
For just once in my life I want my phone to ring and for someone on the other end to ask if I`m on a `secure line`
How easily you`re offended is directly proportional to how dumb you are.
Wonders why we can`t just all get a Long....Island Iced Tea?!?
I was just told that I over-analyze things. I need a couple of days to think about that before deciding if I should be offended.