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You’re not in a serious relationship until he leaves you in a room alone with his phone.
My favorite sexual position is pretty much any of them. I`m just glad to be involved.
I want to be something scary for Halloween so I am going as a positive pregnancy test......
On a scale of 1 to "Get out you`re fired" where does napping at work rank?
would a fly without wings be called a walk?
I got a letter in the mail saying I was pre-approved for a Walmart Credit Card. Not sure if I should be honored or ashamed.
This cashier looked at my 12 bottles of weed spray so weirdly, I suspect she`s never broken a lawnmower before.
Mark my words: In a year, the leading cause of death will be “Beaten to death with a selfie stick”
"I want to marry a smart, rich, and beautiful woman. But I don`t feel like getting married 3 times." - Hesam Ebrahim
I just found out my smoke detector comes with a warranty. WHAT FOR? If it don`t work, what`s left?
Nothing makes me more nervous than getting FB msg saying, “You’ve been tagged in a photo” after a crazy weekend.
Good news everyone – my proctologist called and all the tests were negative. Bad news - his ring is missing...
Forget Klondike, you should see what I`d do for an open bar.
i dont have drain bramage.
People who go to the store and buy the single roll of toilet paper must not have an optimistic view of their life expectancy.