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I`m having fruit salad for dinner, well, it`s mostly grapes...crushed grapes ...ok, it`s wine, I`m having wine!
If you cry loudly enough at a Walmart everyone will just assume you work there.
To drink, or not to drink?...what a stupid question!
The sense of success when you’ve had something stuck between your teeth and you manage to free it after 25 mins of tactical tongue pressure.
If I ran my legs as much as I did my mouth, I`d be in fantastic shape.
With Halo 4, Black Ops II and Assasins Creed III, I think November might register the lowest teen pregnancy rates in a long time!
I dont understand these pregnancy test things, so I took another one just to be sure. Just as I thought, its negitive, we`re not pregnant! Now how am I going to tell my wife she is just fat.
Choosing A Career Is Like Chosing A Wife From 10 Girls. Even If You Pick The Most Beautiful, Intelligent, Kindest Woman, There`s Still Pain Of Losing The Other 9
How many people actually tell everyone that you said Hi.
Today was about as much fun as a warm toilet seat in a public restroom!
My mom likes playing this game called `yell from four rooms away and get upset when I can`t hear her`.
How can I trust you when you keep running away every time I untie you?
I used to eat natural food, until I heard people were dying of natural causes
If you`re in WalMart and you`re holding in a fart, just remember, YOU`RE IN WALMART!!
Due to political correctness issues, "Krazy Glue" will now be known as "Mental Disorder Glue."