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Some people wouldn`t understand irony if it beat them over the head with a helmet.
Urgh..I just dropped my phone, are you guys alright?
If everyone would stop screaming, I`m sure we`d all agree I`m not supposed to be in this women`s restroom.
When people on Facebook say they lost their phone and need everyone’s numbers again, I text them: “Guess who?” for 2 weeks.
Facebook is the best place to say whatever you want. If it doesn’t go over well you can just say you were hacked.
When your girlfriend says do what ever you want. Do not do what ever you want!
I`m not sure what my credit score is but I`m pretty sure I`m losing.
Unless otherwise stated, I have no idea what I’m talking about.
I love talking about nothing. It’s the only thing I know anything about.
The new Jungle Book movie might be confusing to today`s kids who don`t remember when we had jungles. Or books...
Only you can prevent bathroom mirror pictures.
"Iowa man arrested after fight over peanut butter and jelly sandwiches" - I`m just gonna assume this is 1 of you guys
If your cat has a Facebook page, we can`t be friends.
If you can read this, you`re not having sex either.
Calories? I think you mean delicious points!