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A sure fire way to lose an afternoon, is to help a friend out when he says "come on it will only take a half hour to fix"
I know it’s 3 meals a day, but how many should I eat at night?
Give Me A Minute While I Pretend To Care!
I never care whether or not my glass is half full or half empty... cause I drink straight from the bottle!
I just don’t want to look back and think “I could’ve eaten that.”
I hate when I go to pump gas only to find out that the little metal "handle hold up thingy" is broken, so I have actually squeeze and hold the handle. I hate it for two reasons: 1) its gross and i just wanna peel my hand skin off like gloves when im done. 2) it makes me realize how lazy I am.
Dear Santa: I have been good for the past week or so. Lets just focus on that.
For fun, I steal my married friends phones & change my name to `Brandy from the club` then repeatedly call them & hang up at 3am.
I relate to Game of Thrones because much like my own life, I have no idea what`s going on and there`s a lot of wine drinking.
If you have a mirror handy, kindly gaze into it and you will find your problem
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means I dropped them on the way from the dryer.
I love updating my Facebook status while crossing the stre
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right!
I’d slap you but I’m pretty sure they would call it animal cruelty.
I don`t know why it`s necessary to get a glass dirty, when wine tastes perfectly fine straight out of the bottle.