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I can not be held responsible for what my face does when you talk.
The only thing I hate about beer is that there`s absolutely nothing I hate about beer... :)
When I think of you I touch myself ... On my temples ... You give me a migraine.
If I was a waiter.. I would plant fake engagement rings in every girl`s champagne glass, just to see their boyfriends panic.
me + you = overpopulation... :) :p
I`m all for change as long as it doesn`t directly affect my routine.
I still have a landline. Or as I like to call it, Cell Phone Finder.
The only person that can procrastinate more than me hasn`t even been born yet.
Shout out to hotel maids changing sheets on February 15th.
I came home one day all proud as can be with my report card and said to my Mom ,Look I got a B in reading , She said that`s a D you moron !
Hell, I finally figured out what was wrong with me ... I have been reading the wrong horoscope!!
Letting my dad play Angry Birds on my iPad is like showing a caveman fire.
Iām totally fine with favoritism as long as Iām the favorite.
Trying to master the art of eating a powdered donut without looking like I just left Charlie Sheen`s house.
Hey, car designers, you have kids, right? How is "limo window partition" between the front and back seat not an option yet?