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As a man, EVERY month is `Breast Awareness Month` for me.
Love is grand. Divorce is 100 grand.
The doctors say im going to be ok. I must warn you the dyson ball cleaner has a very misleading name.
I fell asleep at the wheel last weekend. My pottery was ruined.
With all the potato chip flavors available now, I see no point in buying actual food...
I saw the city workers putting up a sign on my street and it says Bumpy road ... so I put up a sign that says ,, FIX IT !
When someone looks over my shoulder while I`m on the computer, I open up a new tab and start searching, "HOW TO KILL THE PERSON BEHIND ME."
Iām a pervert, but in a romantic way.
Two wrongs may not make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.
If my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail, just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.
It must be very hard to be a Nigerian lawyer who specializes in international inheritance law.
Yesterday my Supervisor asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don`t think you`re supposed call people that any more."
OK. So I took the road less traveled. Now where the hell am I?
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
My butt decided to go big instead of go home.