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?-- that guy is cute ?
off to bed...evil schemes don`t dream themselves up.
Why don`t we ever hear anyone bragging about their Allstate safe driving bonus checks?
Only 3 things can make me run. When someone yells, "Fire", "Free beer" or "The free beer is on fire”
I used to drink a lot in the 80s. Then I realized, who cares what the temperature is?
I don`t care if you`re here to murder me - we take our shoes off in this house.
Apparently, you can only say "Look at you! You got so big!" to kids. Old girlfriends tend to get offended. Who knew?
If a man says something in the woods.. And there are no women there.. Is he still wrong? O_o
90% of the apps on my phone don’t do anything except send me notices that there’s a new version of itself.
I want to put a bib on a baby that says "This dumbass put my cape on backwards." lol
Reckon the first person to make popcorn by accident probably ran away
My wife must have some big surprise vacation planned. She left a note by the bed telling me I had until tomorrow to have my bags packed.
Next time I`m on an elevator with four or more strangers, I`m going to turn around and say, "I`m sure you`re wondering why I`ve gathered you all here."
Dear wind, what has my hair ever done to you?
If we all had to wear a warning label, what would yours say?