Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
We´re responsible for most of what happens to us, the rest is probably Voodoo.
I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become
Sometimes I order Domino`s but give them Pizza Hut`s address. And when they show up and start fighting, I just wait with my mouth open.
You know when you`re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That`s happening to me, only with beer.
I cant afford a Snuggie so I just wear my robe backwards...
I`m 42 years old and I still have no idea what I would do if a kangaroo entered my bedroom in the middle of the night.
If an officer asks “do you know why I pulled you over?” “Because it’s the only way to get girls to talk to you” is a bad answer, apparently
I get a real kick out of people who drive a mile in their car to run a mile on a treadmill.
Give a man a fish and chances are you won`t be asked to be in charge of buying a gift "from all of us" anymore.
Here`s an idea...Duck Dynasty Chia Pets
What does it mean when you sit next to an elderly woman on the bus and she shakes her head and makes the sign of the cross?
Its weird how your entire day flashes before your eyes the moment you realize that your zipper has been down and you haven`t pissed in 8 hrs
When I "rage against the machine" the machine is usually a printer.
When I die, I’d like someone to keep updating my Facebook status, just to freak people out… “Hey, who knew they had Wi-Fi up here?”
My 5 year plan is to watch Netflix. All of it.