Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I could choose any one mythological creature to become alive & real, I`d have to pick…My girlfriend.
Patient: "The problem is that obesity runs in my family." Doctor: "No, the problem is no one runs in your family."
Hypothetically, when is the right time to tell your divorce attorney that you`ve never been married and you love spending time with him?
It`s friday!! I smell vodka ;)
Nothing ruins hump day like not getting humped.
Very productive day today, turd-wise
Winning isn`t everything. Rubbing it in the face of your opponent is also important.
You can tell a man`s age by how close their socks are to their knees.
Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.
Anybody wanna go halfsies on an orgasm?
I want one of those jobs where people ask, “Do you actually get paid for doing this?”
Boy: "Life`s a bitch, so is my Girlfriend." Girlfriend: "Life`s short, so is his d!ck.
Don`t be ashamed of who you are. That`s your parents job.
I finally had the talk with my kids. I told them that in the wild animals eat their young so they better get their sh!t together.
I went to see the doctor today for my annual check-up. The good news is the he says I`m healthy as a horse. The bad news is he uses large farm animals to