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Premature ejaculation and hide and seek have one thing in common. 1 2 3 ready or not here I come.
I`ve considered changing career paths and becoming a demolitions expert, but then I hear the education may cost me an arm and a leg.
Women say they love a man in uniform but when i go clubbing in my McDonalds uniform none of them will talk to me....I`m confused
Sleeping is so difficult when you have a world awake in your phone.
Being married is 90% talking about what to have for dinner.
I guarantee there`s a pregnant teenager somewhere who thinks `Ebola` would be a lovely name for their child.
Anyone know where I can get a waterproof recliner for my shower?
I`d be so much more successful if some of my ancestors had just married better.
ME- I love it when you lay me down like that, the way you touch my belly and put cold things on me baby DOCTOR- Miss this is a medical examination and you are making me extremely uncomfortable
3 words, 8 letters, easy to say, hard to prove... ..."I`m a zebra."
The zoo is a pretty safe place to fart.
I just did a bunch of crunches and curls. There were Nestle Crunches and cheese curls, but still. I`m exhausted.
PMS = Prepare to Meet Satan.
So who wants to tell the person who just threw a new phone book on my porch about the internet?
The problem with sex in the movies is the popcorn usually spills.