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You never really know a woman, until she takes you to court.
Karaoke bars combine two of the worlds greatest evils—people who shouldn`t drink with people who shouldn`t sing.
Babe, you look Hot! Is your air conditioner broken?
the difference between people and celebreties ...... celebreties don`t have a routine
The next time you feel you’re worthless…. just remember…. your organs are worth a LOT of money on the black market.
Some people have goals of conquering the world! My goal is to sleep through the night without having to get up and pee!
How can I go to sleep when this movie I’ve seen 70 times just started?
Bowling is my favorite sport because you don`t have to run and there`s beer five feet away.
Who named the walkie talkie and why isn`t the vacuum called the pushy sucky?
It`s funny how my car drives slower on the way to work, than when I`m on my way home.
Setting the alarm clock proves I`m capable of making the same mistake every day.
If you want to bribe me food and beer works.
Do the people inside mascot costumes also smile when they have their photos taken?
I have a confession to make... "I want to get back with my ex"...LOL Just Kidding..."I`d rather shit in my hands and clap !"
Sometimes.. late at night... I fill my bathtub with tomato sauce and pretend I am a meatball.