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It saddens me to say that after tasting this homemade whiskey/nacho cheese ice cream, I’ve found not all dreams are meant to be followed.
for some reason my plans to workout never work out
"This is the ride that killed Jimmy." - me in a long line, loudly, at amusement parks
Sometimes not being in control is the most awesome feeling in the world.
Remeber that time we came to work and we were excited? Me neither.
There’s really no reason to repeat yourself. I ignored you just fine the first time.
If you see a road sign that says "Survey Crew Ahead" they actually are not looking for your opinions ... I know that now.
Never scratch your a$$ with chocolate on your fingers.
I`d probably get a lot more done if it wasn`t for me.
Friends don’t let friends twerk.
MY MISSION IS COMPLETE!!! I have successfully wasted a little bit of your time today :) carry on!
Excellent Group Ice Breaker: Do you think sailors feel pressured to swear?
FANNNN...DANNNNN....GOOOOO. Breathe The A`s.
There was no bonus fry at the bottom of the bag. But the story has a happy ending. I found it later in my sports bra.
My favorite in-laws are the ones that don`t exist.