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What this country needs is more unemployed politicians...
People say "Happy Thanksgiving" which is nice, but then they ruin it by saying "Don`t eat too much". Do they want me to have a Happy Thanksgiving or not?
Cold? Try Netflix. You’ll still be cold, but you’ll be watching Netflix.
My favorite flavor of ice cream is yes.
I hate that feeling when you feel you wrote something good on facebook and then nobody likes your status. Depressing... :(
oh look at the time, it`s time to not care
Just think of me as the guy next door. With a telescope.
Social experiments where skinny people wear fat suits teach us to be nicer to fat people because it might be a skinny person in a fat suit.
I took up the game of Golf recently. . .but I had too much trouble getting through that windmill.
These animal crackers are crap, this elephant tastes exactly like that giraffe did.
that akward moment when you finish doing your thing in the toilet and you realise there is no tissue
I just bought an answering machine! What should I ask it?
My business card is just a picture of me looking inside the fridge.
Relationship has 12 letters, but then again so does alcohollllll
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey but i turned myself around and THAT`S what it`s all about