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Don`t do anything you`re not prepared to explain to a paramedic...
I like to sit outside on campus at night in my 1940s clothes and when people say things to me, I say "You can see me?"
Diet goal: I want to lose just enough so that my hand will fit comfortably in a Pringles can...
Sorry I`m late... I accidentally pulled the chain on the ceiling fan one too many times for like 9 hours straight.
Sometimes when I`m bored I crawl into a corner of my room and pretend I`m an apple.
Life is like a box of chocolates and you`re on a diet so you can`t even enjoy it.
Scream “Chrome is better than Firefox” around a group of geeks if you wanna see them argue for 2 hours.
When googling something, I always use Caps Lock so that the people from Google know it`s urgent.
Just saw Abe Lincoln Vampire Hunter... So that`s how it happened! I knew what I learned in history class was a bunch of crap!
Before asking a hot chick out, I wish I could first talk to the dude who`s sick of her bullsh!t.
The heat index is somewhere between OMG and WTF!
everyone is BEAUTIFUL in there own way--your just to UGLY to see that
Someone asked me today what was the toughest thing about being a parent ... I would have to say it’s the kids.
"YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE!?" I yell to my husband as I hand him the trash.
So apparently RSVP-ing to a wedding invite with "Maybe next time" wasn`t the best response. Who knew?