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I love work; it fascinates me. I can sit and watch folks do it for hours.
The Bible is pretty accurate...Especially when thrown at close range.
My life is a constant battle between my love of food and not wanting to get fat.
Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats.
Dear Microsoft Office Word I am pretty sure I spelled my name correct
Apparently Home Depot`s slogan of "You can do it; We can help" doesn`t apply to masturbation.
It makes sense that animals pee on something to mark their territory. I mean if someone peed on something, most people would be like, "Eww, okay. That`s yours now."
The hour that we lose this weekend is the one that I was planning on going to the gym.
Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges to keep the crazies from following you.
If you`ve had cats, the singles virus may already be inside you.
When I see a hot girl walking by, I like to look at her and blink very fast and repeatedly so it looks like shes walking in slow motion. Everything is better in slow motion =)
People who say everything happens for a reason should remember that when I punch them in the face.
Whenever a stranger asks our baby’s name, I always say he hasn’t told us yet.
Only YOU, can prevent bathroom mirror pictures.
I don’t have a bucket list, but my f*cket list is a mile long.