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Saw a post stating "taking it one day at a time," so I responded "me too. That`s how days work."
I may love you...but everyone else thinks you suck! I was kidding... I think you suck too.
My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I’m flattered.
Behind every great woman there is a man who loves doggystyle.
The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Pretending to be a morning person is exhausting.
But what if bygones want to be something else? ;)
OMG, you`re huge! There`s no way you`ll fit inside me.- My clothes probably.
You may think it`s bad grammar but I assure you it`s just laziness.
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who really do.
Some days the only thought that stops me from being Dexter...is that I am WAY too pretty to go to prison
If your dog is fat, you’re not getting enough exercise.
Our brain took two billion years to evolve. Two billion trips around the Sun. All so humans can use it to look at kittens on the Internet.
A date with Destiny.. Cause strippers need lovin` too.
Don`t sell yourself short, in fact, don`t sell yourself at all. I`m pretty sure it`s illegal