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I got kicked out of the pool today ... apperently the breaststroke isn`t what I thought it was.
How ignorant do I have to be before I start experiencing bliss?
At least thirty percent of my workout is spent picking a different song.
My bank lets me send a text message and it´ll text back with my balance. It´s a cool feature but I didn´t think the LOL was necessary.
Studies show that if you begin a sentence with "studies show," the internet will believe you.
My dentist said that bacon and soda works the same as toothpaste. Friends have said she meant baking soda....but I disagree. :)
Is it just me that finds it disturbing that you can accidentally make a baby but you can`t accidentally make a pizza?
Pool is my favorite sport because you don`t have to run and there`s beer five feet away.
This would be a lot more fun drunk - Me, to everything.
Dear Diary, the ugly woman at the bank cut in front of me today." Woman: "EXCUSE ME?!" [whispers]"Dear Diary, I think she can hear me."
I hope when I die Charlie Sheen`s life flashes before my eyes.
Women are like bacon, they smell great, taste delicious and kill you slowly. Men are like bacon because we`re pigs.
My wife looks super hot without glasses. That’s why I stopped wearing them.
After reading some marriage post, I`m beginning to suspect we all may have been married to the same person.
I’m over the 30-day ab challenge ... Is there a 30-day nap challenge I can take on?