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Ever have the experience of staring at an outfit hanging in your closet and wondering which of the personalities did the shopping that day?
Our parents always taught us NOT to write on walls... Facebook teaches us differently
If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I`d probably pick living.
I just got the results of my IQ test. It came back negative.
I`m starting to think that life isn`t worth living anymore and... Oh wait, there`s the bartender now. Nevermind.
dear journal..im now the coolest kid in school....mom:SWEETIE THE CHESSCLUB IS HERE 4 U!!!
Technically, I don`t have to do anything until my wife wakes up and realizes I`m not doing anything.
Never call a woman crazy because she will say, "I`m not crazy!" and then go and do something crazy. Probably with matches.
At the start of every relationship many girls treat their boys as a GOD but later the alphabets are reversed
One way to know if someone is lying to you is if their facial mole is in a different place every time you see them
Wearing my pajamas to Walmart. I don`t want to attract any attention.
My friend said "hey that girl has a nice butt" I said "yes i bet she can sit down excellently "
Did you know dryer sheets double as toilet paper and leave your a$$ smelling like meadows and rain drops?
You don`t know pissed off until she tells you to go sleep on the couch, and you take all the covers with you.
Tarantulas are like cigarettes. They are pretty much harmless, until you put them in your mouth and light them on fire.