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Not sure how coffee got its own table in the living room, but kudos.
This is the third time someone in Liam Neeson`s family has been abducted, they really need to stop leaving the house.
NEWS FLASH: Man arrested for having sex with a tree.....Police confirm he had wood!!!
I’m on that new diet where you eat everything and hope for a miracle!
I can`t wait to be rich so I can price things from high to low instead of low to high when shopping online.
Don’t get your panties in a bunch. The nicer ones are sold individually.
Mondays are middle finger approved
How do some people manage to sit on it and talk out of it at the same time?
It turns out that playing strip solitaire isn`t nearly as much fun as playing strip poker. Especially at work...
If I haven’t embarrassed myself in front of you… don’t worry, it’ll happen.
Pokémon means a totally different thing if you`re stuck in prison.
Most of life is waiting for whatever you`re at to be over.
I’m off for a quiet beer. Followed by fourteen noisy ones.
Never make an arm wrestle bet with a man who has been single for longer than 6 months.
Every pizza is a personal pizza if you eat the entire thing.