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30 years later and my Cabbage Patch Kid still has no clue that he`s adopted.
I’m in a long distance relationship. Sure, some people refer to it as a restraining order, but still.
“Everything you say can and will be used against you” should be included in marriage vows.
Just because I`m awake doesn`t mean I`m ready to do things
The day I can get a correct order at a fast food establishment is the day I will support an increase in minimum wage.
Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside
I used to be a terrible flirt ... I am much better at it now.
You are the reason why I bite the heads off teddy grams.
Auto correct changed "group hug" to "grope hug" and I`m not in charge of the team-building exercises any more.
Boobs are like the Sun. You can stare at them directly just for a few seconds, but if you put on sunglasses, you can stare as much as you want!
I’m not a sore loser ... thanks to Vicodin.
I have heard of women that aren`t crazy, but I`ve also heard of Unicorns.
Sometimes, even I`m afraid of the things my mind comes up with.
One man’s LOL is another man’s WTF.
In the word "scent" is it the s that is silent or the c?