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I wanna be skinny but I also want to have pizza for breakfast lunch and dinner, you feel me?
There are so many scams on the Internet now these days, but for $19.95 I can show you how to avoid them.
It isn`t until your kids start talking back that you realize dogs would`ve been a better option.
Karma’s only a bitch if you are.
Why do guys cheat on pretty girls with ugly ones...?
Hey guy in the car behind me... Honking your horn isn`t going to help me type any faster.
One day I shall rule the World! Until then, I am going to bed. Good Night :D
If you put Root Beer in a square glass do you get Beer?
I find that some of the best jokes are the ones that drag you in slowly and then leave you waiting in antici...
Whenever you`re feeling down and in the dumps, just remember...the rest of us have been feeling that way about you too!
Getting old sucks. I use to wake up feeling like a million bucks. Now I feel more like a bounced check.
Hey NSA... I accidentally deleted an email... Can I get you to forward me your copy?
Some people pass through our lives just to teach us not to be like them.
Of all the horrible ways to die I think healthy eating sounds the most painful.
People ask me why I don`t have tattoos. Seriously, would you put a bumper sticker on a Lambourghini?