Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
DUI attorneys should buy some ad space on those Taco Bell hot sauce packets.
I bought a blowup doll today, but I won`t blow her up until tomorrow. I don`t want to seem desperate.
Eventually, some poor astronaut is going to crash into all that Star Wars writing
The only time my wife will ever scream "DEEPER, DEEPER" is when they are lowering my casket into the ground
Men are trained from birth that happiness comes from either boobs or a bottle.
What idiot called it Adderall instead of Accomplish Mints?
Did you hear that? That was the sound of soccer being irrelevant in the US for another 4 years..
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication!
I wonder how long I`ll be skinny from all this dieting and juicing I`ve been doing. 1 month? A year? A couple of ye....ooh look cake.
Sometimes, you wonder what the hell the music video has to do with the song.
According to science the atoms in my body contain the energy of 30 hydrogen bombs, and yet, not enough energy to get up early and go jogging.
"Is that a car alarm going off? Someone must be trying to steal it, I better call the police!" - literally no one ever
Guys, if she says she`s crazy, she`s harmless. The real crazy ones never give you a damn clue.
I just thought you should know, I just did all the laundry and didn`t lose a sock to the dryer monster...
~WARNING~ I will more than likely offend you at some point in time