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Sarcasm, I put that sh!t on everything
After listening to what some people have to say, I am rethinking the importance this whole freedom of speech thing.
Christmas came early this year! My neighbor just upgraded our internet speed... I mean his internet speed. Or whatever...
Your personality needs alcohol.
If you want your team to win a sporting event just tell me. I will root for the other team. That will guarantee a win for your team.
To-Do List: Nothing [?]
This post is just for you.
I have an alcohol problem, in that I can`t afford any.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
I like to flush the toilet a few times when I`m on the phone with someone who calls me so they know not to do that again
EVERY Friday is good in my book!
Sometimes my life feels like a 40 year long episode of Punk`d...
I`m so glad my face doesn’t have a progress bar that shows how long it takes me to understand what someone is saying.
My sleep number is 24. That`s a case of beer and I sleep like a baby.
I hope when Bruce Willis dies, it`s from a Viagra overdose. That way the headline can read "Bruce Willis Died Hard".