Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Attention!! Today I am traveling back in time to right some wrongs in this world. You will know I succeeded if the Germans lost WW2 and that Thursday comes before Wednesday.
I made Creme Brulee today. More food should require the use of a blow torch.
People who help you find what you are looking for in a liquor store should be called "Spirit Guides."
Scientist say that universe is made up of Electrons, Protons and Neutrons...They forgot to mention MORONS...
All I`m saying is, I`ve never seen my ex and Satan in the same room together.
I always keep a spare pair of shoes at work that I change into so people don`t know it`s me when I`m taking a dump.
Everytime I see a mattress tied to the top of a car, I think….there’s another prostitute making a house call……
Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.
When in darkness, pray. If you pray and nothing happens, I think it is the high time you paid your electricity bill.
I legitimately thought I was having a pretty productive day until I realized my phone is set to west coast time and I`m in New York.
The best way to change a woman`s mind is to agree with her.
I often ask myself "What`s wrong with me?" and the answer is ALWAYS "You can`t drink at work"
My boss yelled at me today “It’s the fifth time you’ve been late to work this week! Do you know what that means?!” I said, “Probably that it’s Friday?"...
when people fall in love they are called " love birds." when they fight they are called "angry birds."
I`m honest, so when I say I took a "cat nap" that means that I slept for 18 hours and then pissed on your favorite shirt after I woke up.