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Welcome to my Facebook wall. Straight jackets are on your left, meds are on the table, and if you hurry, you can still get a seat in group therapy . . . have fun!
The high cost of livin ain`t nothin like the cost of livin high
The good thing about Facebook is if someone gets on your nerves enough, you can make them cease to exist in your world and you don`t even have to hide a body.
Don`t hate me because I think I`m beautiful.
It`s called PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
I am a little worried that every "evacuation route" sign is leading away from my house.
The male version of a tramp stamp should be called a douche tag.
Always thought the 4 words I never wanted to hear from my wife was "I want a divorce". Turns out its actually, "What is your password".
“Oh boy, I can’t wait to be productive today.” – said no one ever
Just how hairy was the dude who invented a shampoo called Head & Shoulders?
I would not mind living next to a serial killer. They never kill the neighbor. He`s the one that`s always on the news later saying "He was a quite guy, never really talked to anyone." Wait a minute ... I don`t talk to my neighbors!
wants to jump in a cab and yell "follow that car!"
I can eat a piece of pie without a plate or a fork what else should I write on this dating site profile?
One man’s potato is another man’s vodka.
Whoever made up the saying "It`s the thought that counts" never got a pair of crocs for Christmas.