Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Boobs, because you can`t motorboat a personality.
Do you ever order a club sandwich just to feel like you`re a part of something?
Nothing says God is forgiving like hell.
My internet went down. By which I mean my neighbors changed their password.
Rock bottom is when you get dinner at the same place you buy your gas.
No one`s lazier than the guy who came up with the name for Juicy Juice.
I changed siri to a male voice and now my car keeps taking me to strip clubs and auto parts stores
I just bumped into my old headmistress who said how weird it is to see me all grown up now. Surely it would be weirder if I was still 9.
One small step for man one giant step for a really small man
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right!
I always buy a Get Well Soon card for the couple who invites me to their wedding.
Liam Neeson trained Batman, Obi Wan, and Darth Vader. He is both Aslan and Zeus…and he punches wolves. Why would you kidnap his family?
You know a guy likes you when his pants give you a thumbs up ;)
I think it has become obvious that medicine companies have no idea what fruit tastes like.
Congratulations on becoming a homeowner! From now on, every noise you hear will cost you money.