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Thanks to this huge spider web I just walked into, we can now add the neighbors to the list of people that have seen me naked.
I will do a lot of things but admitting I`m cold to my wife who told me to bring a warmer jacket isn`t one of them...
All guys should learn from Mario Bros. No matter how far their princess is, they should go after her.
I like to keep my friends close, and my attractive friends even closer.
Why is it when you go to get your drivers license photo, they tell you to smile. Your not smiling when the police pull you over.
Just realized that 90% of Disney cartoons involve lying about your identity to get someone to love you.
If the TV show "Cops" has taught me anything, it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces....... they always seem to attract trouble.......
If anybody asks, I was on Facebook all night tonight, okay? Thanks for having my back, everyone.
DRINK BEER SAVE WATER..www.godrunk.com
My friends were alway so nice. They were like "of course you`re not fat! Come on, grab two chairs and sit with us" :)
I wish I could get excited as a redneck drinking cheap beer and watching cars go around in circles for hours.
My mind is like "LETS DO THIS SH!T" but my body is like "calm down motherf*cker"
A homeless man told me he hadn`t had a bite in weeks, so I bit him.
Im switching some friends from my Facebook account to my Fakebook account.
Day Light savings this weekend is pissing me off, we will lose a hour we will never get back...........wait...thinkin`.....I guess we do....carry on...