Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Every day at work I wonder if this is going to be the day I accidentally scream "SHUT THE F*CK UP` out loud instead of just in my head.
Arguing with a woman is like buying a lottery ticket, you`re proably not gonna win, but you`re sure as hell gonna try!
I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.
You know it`s time to clean your screen when you start confusing dirt with punctuation.
I swear my cat was an alarm clock in a previous life...
I need a hug right now also five hundred thousand dollars in cash.
My will has a list of friends not allowed to speak at my funeral.
I wish I could have the Price Is Right audience around whenever I’m making important life decisions.
Just so I`m sure to make friends, I like to walk in the bar carrying a handful of phone chargers.
Zombies and I have a lot in common; we both walk around aimlessly looking for something to eat.
After four karate lessons, I can now break a two-inch board with my cast
Preheating an oven requires too much commitment.
Hey sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.
Men think us women dream of finding the perfect man when really, all we want is to eat anything without getting fat.
A fun way to "Break up" is to tell them to "Go long" and then never throw them the football.