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Lets face it we have all tried to get something done before the microwave timer goes off.
Why is it socially acceptable to wear a bikini at the beach but not on the bus? At the end of the day I’m just a guy in a bikini on the bus.
I will do a lot of things but admitting I`m cold to my wife who told me to bring a warmer jacket isn`t one of them...
The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you dont have to mow it.
Lying in bed, listening to the Doors. I really should oil the hinges...
For the record, you`ll need a turntable needle.
I really hate it when I have to watch the same channel for 2 days because the remote fell behind the couch.
Buying an airline ticket is like paying shipping and handling for yourself.
The best part about being over 40 is we did most of our stupid stuff before the internet.
Happy Fathers Day from your handsomerist and smarterist son
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
I’m planning on ringing the new year in with a kiss ... whether my dog likes it or not.
I hate when people stare at me and don’t say anything. I mean if you want an autograph or a picture just ask..!
The waitress asked if I was done with that, I said yes but I`m married to it.
Anyone who calls it a "day off with the kids"... Either has no kids or doesn`t know what "day off" means.