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ALCOHOL! Giving you the ambition to do anything, while simultaneously taking away your capability to do so.
Simply amazing how one word spoils the whole sentence: I’m getting laid.....off.
I enjoy long walks away from responsibility.
Watching game shows is like watching porn, you get excited watching someone else get lucky
That kid looks like me. Somebody should warn him.
The old saying "I wouldn`t wish this on my worst enemy"... Clearly you have forgotten why they are your worst enemy.
My sleep number is 100 proof.
Euphoria....the feeling you get when you finally beat "that" level on Candy Crush.
Seth Rogen and James Franco having their movie pulled due to terrorist threats sounds like the plot of a Seth Rogen and James Franco movie.
My key to happiness is probably lost somewhere in the junk drawer.
My problem is that all food is comfort food
lifes like a box of chocolates, never know whatcha gonna get (:
I just want to point out that I am an Amazon Prime member so it`s about time you guys started treating me with a little respect.
A penny for your thoughts, Five bucks if they’re naughty.
I can’t remember ever being told I’m a bad listener