Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Roses are red, violets are blue. I lowered my standards, just for you.
I thought about going outside and doing something today but my Wi-Fi really doesn`t reach very far.
In wine there is wisdom. In beer there is strength. In water there is bacteria. You decide.
The longest 10 seconds of my day is when I have to hold down the button on an electronic thing to turn it off
When I`m in a bathroom stall, please don`t yell "Oh my God oh my God there`s a guy in here!" Respect my privacy.
Shout out to old people for graduating high school without Google.
I hope these environmentally friendly toilets save at least 3x the water because that’s how many times I need to flush.
When i see a person hailing a cab, i run quickly by them and slap them a high five just to boost their enthusiasm!
Just found out my birthday is the same day I was born... Life is crazy...
Thats it! I want to be re-inserted and I don`t want to remember a darn thing!
She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found `mute` by now.
They say do what you love & the money will follow. I love doing nothing. We`ll see.
The reason why women will never be the ones to propose is because as soon as she gets on her knees, he will start unzipping his pants
I feel sorry for people who take everything way too seriously.
You know, rumor has it that the Mona Lisa may have been the first selfie.