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not to brag but I finished this 14 day diet in 3 hours and 38 minutes.
I`m not sure what my spirit animal is, but I`m sure it has Rabies.
Business plan : 1. hold sign that says "free hugs" 2. Whisper during the hug, "it`s $50 to let go"
We are guaranteed "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness". So, why did happiness get a Lamborghini and I got a `74 Pinto?????
The Australian kiss is just like the French kiss but down under.
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
If I had a nickel for every time I`ve misplaced my keys, there`d be a jarful of money I would also have to look for
Before you have any hope for the future of humanity, come and look at how this guy parked.
This status update contains many of the same words that appear on Pulitzer Prize winning novels.
By the time I’ve said “Nice to meet you” I’ve already forgotten your name.
For the life of me, I can’t understand why small and medium pizzas exist.
No one answers their phones anymore... If I ever get arrested, I don`t want a damn phone call, I want a facebook posting.
That awkward moment when you can’t tell if it’s a Halloween costume or their regular clothes…
Friday the 13th is still better than Monday the whatever.
“Is it food time yet?” = The summarization of most of my thoughts.