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I`m actually a really good driver, when Facebook is down.
You never really know a woman, until she takes you to court.
My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying ~ don`t run into anyone you know.
I hide my vodka in orange juice
"My name is Robert and I support apples." -- Bob for apples
You just dont know how dumb you are until you get a little smarter
My kids wanna have a water balloon fight later, I just got done putting mine in the freezer... Wanna bet I win...
Remember, pretty much all of the “tough guys” you see on TV and movies were theater majors in college.
You win some, you lose some, and if you`re lucky, you get some.
its not the up`s and down`s that bring you down...its the jerks!!
I opened a bottle of wine to let it breathe. It didn`t. So I gave it mouth to mouth.
I have never met a woman without wondering what her box of cookie recipes looks like.
My son said he went potty and I asked if it was number one or number two. He said number 7,,, and now I`m terrified to go into the bathroom.
As you get closer and closer to the end of this status, I think it`s important that you lower your expectations.
It`s not a real hangover until you bring a pillow into the bathroom.