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I`m boycotting Kix cereal because of all that kid testing.
Just seen a sign reading "PAY ATTENTION WHILE WALKING your Facebook status update can wait". While on Facebook on my phone. While walking...
Detective: “The victim musta had company. There’s 2 dirty plates in the sink.” If I ever get murdered they’ll think I had 16 people over.
Live in the moment. Unless the moment sucks. Then live on Facebook.
If anyone has ever told you that you snore, just know that person has very carefully weighed the pros and cons of letting you live.
There are 2 types of people in this world, those who press “door close” in the elevator before others can jump on & those who are liars.
If you ever feel sad and blue, just remember that somewhere in the world, there`s a fat kid who just dropped his ice-cream.
sex is like a joke, some get it some don`t.....
When I started out, I was young and idealistic, I wanted a Career and to make a difference in the World, but it turned out that I only wanted Paychecks........
just watched my first full episode of jersey shore... #ashamed of new entertainment
I want the job of placing pepperoni slices on frozen pizzas, because clearly whoever has it is now has problems.
There is only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water lying about being milk.
I don’t call it laying down anymore, I call it landscape mode.
I`m the type of person who goes out to a restaurant and orders a veggie burger with cheese and bacon on it.
I`m thinking about remodeling my bathroom and thanks to all your selfies I`m getting some great ideas!!.....