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Haters are my motivators(:
Once your pants catch fire, the fact that you`re lying becomes less important.
I have two feelings, it`s either "I`m hungry" or "I shouldn`t have eaten this much"
Don`t worry about old age, it doesn`t last that long.
Day 8. You should be thankful that I`m medicated
When I`m not sleepy, I listen to some Chris Brown. That knocks me out right away.
My screensaver is a screenshot of a bunch of spreadsheets so my boss doesn’t notice when I haven’t moved my mouse in an hour.
Ever been in the middle of writing a great post and think, did I just run someone over?
If you see me laughing like a crazy person, think nothing of it ..it`s just the voices in my head telling me jokes!
is wondering why books on "how to make women happy" arent displayed in the fiction section
Waterfalls are a beautiful, majestic sight as they pour down upon the rocky crags below. Unless you`re in a canoe and about to plummet to your death. Then waterfalls sorta suck.
I believe in equality. If we have a 5 day week of work, we should have 5 day weekends as well dammit.
Let’s just call a vacation what it is: the opportunity to live like an alcoholic for a little while.
When people ask me for advice, I tell them, “Use your best judgment,” which they clearly don’t have if they are asking me for advice.
At least a stalker is there for you.