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You feel naked without your phone, I feel naked without my clothes.
A lot of people don`t realise that Shania Twain`s father, Mark, was actually a pretty good writer.
Sometimes my neighbors love my music so much that they invite the police to listen.
I can`t wait for a empty Christmas wrapping paper tube to bonk someone over the head with!
I`d be willing to sleep my way to the top if it actually meant sleeping.
Valentines day
I`ve never said "in all seriousness" and actually meant it.
The most important part of being on a gluten free diet is telling everyone about it.
Time flies when you`re throwing watches.
When I was on the plane the stewardess asked, do you need some headphones? I said, Hell Yeah, but how did you know my name was Phones?
If you have no internet history you silently admit wrong doing.
You know it`s time to delete Facebook when your mom, dad, uncles, aunties, grandparents etc... is on it.
There are two rules to success in life - 1. Don`t tell people everything you know
I feel like I`ve passed my "Best If Used By date."
Trying to master the art of eating a powdered donut without looking like I just left Charlie Sheen`s house.