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My horoscope started with `are you sitting down?`
I`m old enough to remember when cell phones actually got smaller every year.
They call themselves independent women until furniture needs to be moved
Hair growing from my ears and nostrils doesn`t mean I`m getting old, right? Means I`m turning into a werewolf! Right?
first show me the benefits and then I`ll decide if we can be friends.
I used to drink a lot in the 80s. Then I realized, who cares what the temperature is?
Do you know what sexual position produces the ugliest children? ... Go ask your mother.
A lot of people do not realize that the actor who played Wilson in Castaway is the same actor from the volleyball scene in Top Gun.
Yesterday was international ninja day and I didn`t even know. Well played ninja day, well played.
can be sympathetic, empathetic, compassionate, welcoming, loyal, trust-worthy, forgiving, understanding, and giving. But not to today!
To the untrained eye, I`m quite handsome.
I hope someone drives slightly slower in front of you on a crowded highway and you can’t pass.
I exercised once, but found I was allergic to it. My skin flushed and my heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath. Very dangerous.
The only thing worse than it raining after you wash your car is having to go poop after you get out of the shower.
Would buy you a drink but I would be jealous of the glass.