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Your life must really suck when no one even likes the catfish version of you.
Dear American Express, can you raise my debt ceiling?? Thx, bro.
they say there`s love in every corner....gosh I think I`m moving in circles
thinking men should come with a carfax....
It`s scientifically proven the more you shut up then the less likely I am to punch you in the face.
When I was your age, we drank water straight out of the sink.
My girlfriend just accused me of being unfaithful. I told her that is ridiculous and that she is starting to sound like my wife.
If today were a fish, I`d throw it back.
Junk- something you keep for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
Gee I wish I could push the envelope... But it`s stationary.
If I could have a superpower, it would be the ability to watch people workout and then absorb their health benefits...
Yea, there is no "I" in team... but there sure is "ME".
Accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and now I`m the proud owner of aisle 7.
When your world is falling apart, when it seems like things can`t get any worse, please remember...I don`t give a s$it.
In the word "scent" is it the s that is silent or the c?