Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Woke up with morning wood but she wouldn`t!
My mother always told me to never quit something I`m good at. So here is to her for making me realize that i`m good at being drunk!
I`ve found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock, people expect less of you.
The problem with the general public is that it`s made of people.
If a man repeats everything a woman says, word for word,,,,,,,, is he still wrong?
75% of women in open relationships don`t actually know it yet.
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever
Tell a girl she pretty she`ll believe it for a minute. Tell a girl she has Miley Cyrus` butt she`ll believe it for a lifetime
Every paper towel commercial just reminds me that the cleanest option is to just not have children.
I like going into McDonald`s and ordering an Egg McMuffin and a McChicken, just to see which one comes first.
I don’t want to rule the world… Just everything within a hundred square mile radius.
Reaching under the couch for something is the closest I’ll ever get to yoga.
Buys Mega-Millions ticket. Has a better chance of being hit by lightning in a cave.
I just spent a lot of time trying to form a thought when it would`ve been easier to just say, "F*ck it."
Ladies, don`t date him just because his dad has a yacht. Date the dad.