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When I was younger, it was wine, women & song. Now I am older, it`s beer, the old lady & TV!
So I´ve narrowed it down and I´m either gonna start a motorcycle gang or take a nap.
Taking selfies is a lot of work when you’re not attractive.
A box 5 lb. box of chocolates: $40, Valentines Day card: $3.75, not being yelled at for 35 minutes until the chocolate is gone: priceless!
I`m so unlucky with women? I visited a massage parlour the other day..and they told me it was "self - service"
When people say "You look so familiar" responding with "Were we in prison together?" is almost always a conversation killer.
The problem with the general public is that it`s made of people.
Awww, look. My middle finger likes you!
i`m my own therapist...which explains so much.
I would like to learn one of those clicking languages from Africa because I get the feeling my knees are trying to tell me something.
I have heard of women that aren`t crazy, but I`ve also heard of Unicorns.
Facebook: Cause why drunk dial one person when you can drunk post the world?
"in other news… it turns out being mayor of Toronto is all that its cracked up to be" - George T. Ignace
You know that greener grass you see over there? You do realize it`s because they fertilize it with bullsh!t right?
My credit score is so bad I have started receiving pre-declined credit card offers