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My 4-year-old thinks the 5-second rule means he can eat anything off the floor if he waits 5-seconds first. That M&M was from last Easter.
Insert coin to view my status message.
Nice try butter flavored pancake syrup, but I`m still putting butter on them!!
If we agree, I`m probably being sarcastic ... Or I`m drunk
I learn something new every day that I didn`t want to know.
Apparently you have to go to the gym more than once to get in shape, what the heck.
Whenever I`m out somewhere there is a 99% chance I am thinking about going home and sleeping.
If you respond to coworkers asking how your weekend was with turkey noises, they leave you alone.
Possible Fact: White guys with corn rows make dangerous zombies, cuz you can`t possibly run away while laughing that hard at the same time.
The songs I like always come on when I’m supposed to be getting out of my car.
I need to get out of bed and do something so I can justify taking a nap later.
If you wake up with a funny taste in your mouth on christmas morning...............just remember that santa only cums once a year. :D
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you? :D
In honor of this years` Super Bowl participants respective States of residence, they`ve changed kickoff to 4:20 Eastern Standard time.
I`ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I`m actually talking to someone.