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Don`t worry. Your secret is safe with me. I wasn`t listening anyway.
I think I really have an amazing butt. Every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say "what an ass.."
I’m offering a $1000 reward to anyone who brings me $1000 and a taco.
Remember, laughter is the best medicine. Unless you have diarrea.
I forget, on which side of my dinner plate am I supposed to set my phone?
Suggested movie theater prices: Adults - $9.00, Under 12 - $ 6.00, Under 3 - $249.00
Scientists are adding an extra second to the year 2015. Yeah. Here`s the bad news. You just wasted it reading this post.
I guess I’ll take my Christmas tree down today.
Have the people who designed wine glasses ever washed dishes in their lives?
A Slinky is a great way to teach young children that it`s fun to push things down the stairs.
They keep telling me theres plenty of fish in the sea, but I havent caught one in years, soooo I continue to sit here, holding my rod.
Of all the things life has given to me... I would like to return 20 lbs.
There`s no room in my life for B.S. ... Unless it`s burritos oand salsa
How do you make your wife scream during sex?? Call her and tell her about it.
Holy sh!t Karma, how much longer till we`re all squared up?