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I would like to think that I`ll die heroic death saving someone`s life but it`s more likely I`ll trip over my shoelaces and choke on a spoonful of Nutella.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don`t know what he laced them with, but I`ve been tripping all day.
As a man I am so thankful I don`t have to give birth. I could never go nine months without drinking.
if money grew of trees, girls would be dating monkeys
I dont know whats more awkward, answering Dora, or sitting in silence while she stares at you.
It`s been scientifically proven that originally there were only five fruit cakes ever made!
It’s like I wanna be left alone but I still want people to notice my absence, you know.
My son asked what he should say if a bully said to give him his lunch money. I said tell him you left it on his moms nightstand.
My version of flirting is looking at someone attractive multiple times while hoping they are more brave than I am.
if a guy tells you you`re ugly ; he wants you, if a girl tells you your ugly; she`s jealouse, if you a kid tells you your`re ugly..... you`re ugly.
Male camel toe? Dude that`s just nuts.
I`m Not Perfect. Your Not Perfect. But Together We Can Be a Perfect Sense of Humor LOL!
What am I doing with the rest of my life? I don`t even know what I`m doing with the rest of this post...
Newton`s third law of emotion. For every male action there is a female overreaction.
The "Beware of Cat" sign posted outside my house doesn`t seem to be having the desired affect.