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The older the Facebook post, the creepier your “like” becomes.
I love slip on shoes because you can slip them off just as easy to hit stupid people with them.
Ever gotten that awkward feeling? ..like the one when you realize you`re chewing on a BORROWED pencil?
My life is just one long improvisation.
This status is mine....I licked it.
And now it`s too hot outside to take down the Christmas lights
My wife went home to visit her mother today. Or as I refer to it. Her “bitch refresher course”.
The police never think its as funny as you do.
is wondering where noah kept woodpeckers on his ark
Hey guys with the super loud mufflers on their cars. I used to put a baseball card in my bicycle wheel spokes. I was 12.
Looking forward to `Breaking Bad` merchandise. Especially the cook book.
People who say "I hate to bother you" need to learn to hate it a little bit more.
Is it weird that I`m 43 years old and have a secret handshake with 3 adults.....and my dog?
I`m not giving the kids a time out. I`m giving myself one. The thought of sitting in a corner & being ignored sounds just heavenly.
If there`s one thing I learned from my wife, it`s don`t get married!