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I helped my girlfriend with the dinner last night. I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
Shout out to all the kids who could never find their name on souvenir keychains and license plates. That sh!t hurt.
Cop: This is a ticket for drunk and disorderly behavior. Me: Can I have another? I`d love to bring a guest.
I think that there are two things that we can all agree on: Boobs.
Guys i did not copy or edit this status of mine.Please believe this is my own idea!
So many feelings today. Mostly hunger.
Jehovah`s witnesses tell the worst knock, knock jokes
Someday, I`ll live in my OWN basement!
I`m happy, but not "Oprah just told me to look under my chair" happy.
Last person to like this wins a prize.
AT this stage in my life an ALL NIGHTER JUST means I didn`t have to get up and pee....
I wish I had a job where I could punch stupid motherf*ckers in the face all day.
Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don`t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!
Everybody reaches a point in their lives when they die.
You can not force anyone to love you ... The best you can do is stalk them and hope they give in :)