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I have to be careful what I say online because my kids might find out how cool I am and want to start hanging out with me.
Don`t talk to me about disappointment. I had lots of adults tell me they were gonna "fix my little red wagon" yet here it sits with a broken wheel still
Like this if you’re “never drinking again.”
We all have that friend who acts innocent but understands all the dirty jokes.
I don’t know why Tampax and Hershey have not joined forces yet. Taping a pack of Reese’s to a box of tampons could literally save lives.
Do you know what’d look good on you? Me
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
I`ll never fly Virgin Airlines. Why would anyone want to fly an airline that doesn`t go all the way.
Chicken pot pie sounds like a great idea if you add commas.
One small step for man one giant step for a really small man
Baby.. I wanna be the reason you need therapy.
If a girl picks an iron in monopoly you know she`s a keeper
Designated Driver is just a nicer way of saying, you can come with us, but nobody wants to deal with your drunk a$$.
I’m glad to know that we will never have to worry about a lack of weathermen. I mean, I know at least a couple dozen on Facebook.