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What`s it called when you always have a sweet tooth, but it`s only for booze?
I`m not lazy I just really enjoy doing nothing!!
You can tell yourself that Sesame Street is educational but Cookie Monster has lived there for like 40 years and still can`t conjugate verbs.
I always get a nice safe feeling whenever I see a police car and I realize I`m not driving around with a trunkful of cocaine.
I always say "morning" instead of "good morning". If it were a good morning I`d still be in bed instead of talking to people.
I’ve been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now I may as well call them traditions.
i just caught a disease so rare that even i dont have it .
I never thought I’d be the kind of person who’d wake up early in the morning to exercise... and I was right.
Karma takes too long ..... I`d rather beat the sh%t out of you.
I`m God`s gift to women if he stopped at a gas station last minute.
I`ve been calling my wife "honey" for 12 years because I don`t know how to tell her I forgot her name.
How can I be expected to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count?
No means no! Unless she`s dyslexic; then it`s on!
I carry a knife, but it`s just in case of cake.
I used to be poor. Then I bought a thesaurus, and now I`m impecunious.