Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Never buy the first round cause that`s when people care what they`re drinking!
Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and a crappy party host.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side!
I keep trying to avoid trouble but I think it likes me.
My whole life consists of wondering whether or not to make the sarcastic comment.
She might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty`s only a light switch away.
Coworker: What did you do this weekend? Me: Dug holes in the woods. And that is how you get people to shut up.
My friend on Facebook "Can`t believe its Monday again already"... if only there were some way for her to calculate the order in which days occur.
I`m not the sort of person you should put on speakerphone.
Everyone is gifted......But not everyone opens their present
Did you know statistically you`re more likely to be killed by a coconut falling from a tree than by a coconut stabbing you with a kitchen knife.
That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is “act natural, you’re innocent”.
Just a word of advice for all you single guys having a hard time out there, Forget the clubs, forget the churches, forget the online dating sites, as the best places to meet single women are the freezer section and down the cat food isle.....
You`re the type of person who didn`t rewind the Blockbuster VHS...
I`m the kind of friend who will help you hide a dead body, but if you betray me, just remember: I KNOW HOW TO HIDE A DEAD BODY