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30 years later and my Cabbage Patch Kid still has no clue that he`s adopted.
I see the Seven Deadly Sins as more of a To-Do list.
Taking shots of Tequila is just another way of saying, "I like where I wake up to always be a surprise."
Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.
Not to brag but when I push it, I push it real good.
No one in my family has ever actually used the Olive Garden gift card. We just keep passing it down from generation to generation.
Saw someone try and park a car for about 10 minutes. I didn’t see the person so I’m not going to assume what gender she was.
Love is a two way street but you have to be careful because women can’t drive.
The songs I like always come on when I’m supposed to be getting out of my car.
Went to a nudest camp once and all I could think was.. these are the people you see dressed in Wal-Mart that you don`t want to see naked.
I`m so sick and tired of my friends who can`t handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me three time while carrying me to the car.
Do watch out for elderly neighbours in the heat wave. They`re liable to trap you for hours and talk about the weather.
If you`re not the lead dog, the scenery never changes!
Thank God I finally found love! Its on Page 126 in the dictionary.
When a woman asks you for your opinion all she really wants to hear is her opinion repeated word for word but in your voice.