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Organized people are just too lazy to look for things!
If you raise your children, you spoil your grandkids. If you spoil your children, you raise your grandkids.
Always look out for #1. Don´t step in #2 either.
My new home security sign : "EBOLA QUARANTINE" - Deters salesman, thieves, and neighbors.
Apparently, walking up behind a girl in the produce isle with celery in my hand and saying "I`m stalking you" was much funnier in my head.
Put glitter on top of all your friends ceiling fans blades........... Wait till summer... Enjoy!
I had a blind date once, her name was ..::..::.:::::…:::::
Every time I walk into a singles bar, I can hear Mom`s wise words: "Don`t pick that up!! You don`t know where it`s been!!"
I haven`t been this disappointed since I first saw a real hedgehog and it wasn`t blue.
If there`s one thing I`ve learnt in life it`s to stay clothed during sensitive conversations.
The liquor store clerk just wished me a merry Christmas as if she weren`t going to see me 7 more times before then.
I hate people who take drugs......like the police.
When you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?
I probably shouldn’t have driven home from the bar last night ... Especially as I walked there in the first place.
People who weigh their produce. What`s it like to have all the time in the world?