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Just because it`s a bad idea, doesn`t mean it`s not going to be a good time.
Simmer down joggers running in place at a stop light, simmer down.
I´m the kind of person that when my feet hit the ground each morning the devil says, "OH CRAP, HE´S UP"!
No one’s going to do it for you. It’s up to just you to make naps a priority in your life.
If men could have multiple orgasms, lotions would cost more than an iPhone.
Shout out to the guy behind me flashing red & blue lights.
If my girl didn`t want me to wear her new Christmas thong, she shouldn`t have said she bought it "for me." Women are confusing.
My apartment is so dirty that I actually lost my last girlfriend to the 5 second rule.
Does the 5 second rule apply to soup? Please answer quickly!
I changed my name in my daughters phone to God...just texted her and said "I saw that"
How can I be expected to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count?
This is 2016. How come I can`t email someone a fart when I feel like it?
Why do people have to get ready for bed? I’m always ready for bed
When setting the table, does the remote go to the left or the right of the dinner plate?
I could actually watch golf on TV if Land Mines were involved.