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I hate it when I`m in a crowded elevator and yell out "GROUP HUG!" and people look at me all weird and stuff.. Making friends is hard.
Have we even tried giving Mother Nature a Snickers?
So far today has been a pretty good day...I haven`t had to bite or hit anyone, yet!!
I bet if the movie "mirrors" releases part 3, the 1st victim will die while trying to take a selfie
If you catch me in the morning in a yoga position... more than likely I passed out drunk that way.
The worst thing about dating is bringing a nice guy home after dinner, only to find your husband home early from work.
The best part about Valentine`s Day is that tomorrow is Friday.
Sorry just got your text. Do you still need to go to the hospital?
You`re telling me, a chicken fried this rice
Have you ever thought about how weird it is that one of your hands is dumber than the other?
Hangovers are nature`s way of grounding you as an adult.
I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at a floor and think, "I`d so tap that."
Bananas are the strippers of the fruit world.
Moses had the first tablet with cloud connectivity.
Her: Do you want to run away with me? ME: We won`t actually be running, right?