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If you watch COPS backwards it`s just a bunch of people overcoming miraculous obstacles to win free drugs
It should be standard for wedding invitations to state if there will be an open bar or not.
Met a girl for a first date and quickly found out that her version of "Do you want to go downtown?" is vastly different than mine.
Dyslexics of the world.. UNTIE!
"Do not touch" must be one of the scariest things to read in braille
Sorry to burst your bubble, but your waiter doesn`t really think your choice was excellent.
I’ve been searching for my stolen bed. And I won’t rest until I find it.
I can read your mind, your thinking about sex right now, no wait, wait.. that`s my mind, sorry, I can read my mind. . .
A court date is still technically a date, right?
Nothing hides your feelings like the backspace key.
The lady next to me in the elevator told me to press One. That was the last thing I remembered
Ask not what your father can do for you, but what you can do for your father. Happy Fathers Day!
If booze isn`t the answer, then your question sucks.
I just made my first snow angel!! ... Ok fine.. I got bored, got drunk and then passed out in the snow, whatever!
Orgasms are alot like pizza. As long as I have pizza I don`t really care if you don`t have any pizza.