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My support group can outdrink your support group.
FACT: Candy corn is made out of melted down traffic cones.
So I ran into an old girlfriend who I dated who`s new boyfriend she was with looked exactly like me when I was seeing her. You know, miserable
Not trying to be racist or ignorant but... seriously, all crocodiles and alligators look alike.
If you get excited that jumping on the bed won`t spill the wineglass on the other side, you`re probably an alcoholic.
Given how enormous the universe is, I assume there’s an alien out there who does a mocking impression of me. Screw you, alien.
The word "Saturday" has "turd" in it. Good luck trying to ignore that for the rest of your life, starting now.
This cold weather makes me half the man I used to be.
The only thing Facebook has ever done for me is make me realize a lot of my friends are idiots.
Considering that dogs pee to mark territory, they probably think humans are constantly battling over who gets to claim the toilet.
I will never repeat filthy rumors. So listen closely the first time.
My internet was down for almost 4 mins,im ok but the 911 operator was a total b**ch about it!
Somewhere in the world right now, somebody is buying a house based on its potential for great bathroom selfies.
Sometimes people don`t notice or appreciate the things we do for them, until we stop doing it. Then they are like, “Why don’t you stalk me anymore”
thjeo oskl asopa joa sajksla wioj apska shul bhcgy ....Yes I just wasted your time ;)