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Girls are like guitars: easy to strum, hard to tune
We should have staff meetings in the garden. The plants would love the fertilizer.
I’m really bad at measuring the correct amount of pasta when cooking, so if you and 79 of your friends want spaghetti tonight…I got extra.
Hey, if it doesn`t work out, we can still be friends. Said no guy ever
I’ve watched “Aladdin” like 25 times with my kids, so I know quite a bit about politics in the Middle East.
Somehow, hitting the "end call" button on the cell phone just doesn`t feel nearly as good as the old days when you could slam the phone down on somebody.
Good judgment comes from bad experience, and most of that comes from bad judgment...
I’m glad you spent $80 on makeup to look like a $5 whore. Well done
Are you supposed to get an email that says “HAHAHAHAHA” after signing up for Match.com?
If anyone tells you, you have ADHD. Pay no attention.
Folks, there`s no need to say GOODNIGHT on Facebook. NO ONE will be thinking " hey where did they go".
I love you Mario, but you need to stop taking shrooms, breaking into haunted houses, and killing turtles! You have a dinosaur to take care of.
I had a bit of a lazy day sitting in my underwear looking for jobs online. My boss was furious.
Maybe don`t show me a picture if you don`t want me to rate your baby.
Arguing in sign language must be a workout.