Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Attempting to guilt me in to doing something, is the surest way to make sure it never happens.
Stovetop Directions: 1.) Use microwave.
Don`t rush me. I`m waiting for the last minute.
For daylight savings, we should move the clocks forward an hour on Monday at 9 AM so that we lose an hour of work instead of sleep.
I`m glad I`m me, I don`t think anybody else could take it.
Why is it that the instant I buy new chap stick, the old one magically reappears?
Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.
My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it.
I can tell how productive I was at work by how much battery my cell phone has left when I leave.
The Internet: where no one is afraid to say the first thing that pops into their head.
About to check Facebook? Let me save you some time. One of your friends has updated their cover photo to a picture of the beach.
Lazy Rule #23 :No Shower Is Needed, If your Not Going Anywhere...
I haven`t gotten laid in so long, you`d swear I`ve been wearing Crocs all this time.
take a left on crazy, keep going until you hit insane. Follow that down to lunatic, turn right on insomnia, way past retarded and there you are @ my place!
Buy a "World`s Greatest Boss" mug and drink out of it in front of your boss.