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A synonym is a word you use when you can`t remember how to spell the other word.
That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to Bounce of 3 walls, Knock over a lamp and kill a cat.
I want someone to look at me the way I look at chocolate cake.
Nothing says "I`m behind on child support." like 26" spinning rims on an 86 Chevy Malibu.
To make a long story short quit right in the middle.
"Never pick a fight with an ugly person. They`ve got nothing to lose." -Robin Williams
Mary had a little lamb,,the midwife fainted
My friends are weird. They keep vegetables in their beer crisper. Freaks
I could defuse a bomb if it sounded like an alarm clock and I was sleeping.
Nothing says lazy like laying on the couch making today`s responsibilities tomorrow`s problem.
My original account got suspended for aggressive behavior and they haven`t even seen me in bed yet.
Jobs are like relationships. You have them, you cry about it. You don’t have them, you cry about it.
Turns out, I`m not an afternoon person either...
My To-Do list for today is just a bunch of things I wanna eat.
I`ll CUT you...!!!!!!!!...... A slice of pizza, cause I`m a sharer:)