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is about to stick a pin in your voodoo doll... brace yourself.
Sometimes, numbers are the only thing you can truely count on.
Did you know that if you put a finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Pacman.
From now on when skinny girls say they`re fat I`m just gonna be like, "Yup" & walk away.
Ahhhh, bad credit…the best identity theft protection.
Massaging the shoulders of the person in front of you at the Redbox machine will usually help them make up their mind faster.
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle
Wonder if Jesus gets screwed out of birthday presents just because his birthday is so close to Santas?
After meeting me... my therapist is now in therapy...
Instead of cleaning the house I just watch an episode of Hoarders and I think WOW, my house really looks great.
auto-correct has got to be my worst enema.
Silence is Golden, unless you`re married.. Then Silence is Suspicious.
A revolving door is an IQ test you can fail in public.
i didn`t know i had a facebook account until now
I´m thankful for Facebook. Before, I would just scream out my thoughts to anyone who would listen.