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Vegetables are a must on my diet. I am eating Carrot cake, Zucchini bread and Pumpkin pie.
Things are finally looking up for me. This Victoria`s Secret catalog just told me this is going to be "your sexiest year ever."
Sometimes I think, "Screw this, I will just be a stripper." Then I remember I am fat and I can`t dance.
Make sure your goals are unattainable so you`ll feel a little better about giving up later
I went to Alcoholics Anonymous last week. The first thing they told me to do was to stop hanging around other alcoholics. So I stopped going.
The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself"...and spiders. Oh, and ticks and nuclear war and getting laid off and losing your eye sight and...
High-five a veteran today.
Everyone, please... a moment of silence for all my married friends who have a shared Facebook account.
I know it’s rain but I hate when my coworker tell me how many inches they got last night.
I bet if we all threw our problems into a big pile, we’d see everyone else’s and scramble to get ours back.
Miley Cyrus is not unique. I have been having full body spasms and licking random objects for decades.
7.1 billion people in the world. 0 willing to lower their standards and date me.
When your world is falling apart, when it seems like things can`t get any worse, please remember...I don`t give a s$it.
Apple is looking to expand its market share among Latinos. No word yet on the release date of their newest device, the iCaramba.
I worry about people who write "taken" in their bios. Where did they go? Who took them and why aren`t we helping to find them?