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I wear a cape when I`m driving so if I get pulled over the cop will think I`m going somewhere to fight crime.
Whoever lost a bundle of $20 bills tied up in a rubber band..I found the rubber band..
We`re all just nudists in disguise.
To be Frank, I`ll have to change my name.
75% of my current net worth is in gift cards.
Is it considered rude to ask your boss if it hurt when the house fell on her in The Wizard of Oz?
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You don`t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.
Don`t expect me not to hopscotch all over your house if you have fancy tiles.
I don’t need your attitude. The voices in my head are enough
My walk of shame is putting back the 9 boxes of assorted cereals that my wife found in the grocery cart.
One thing that I have never had in the glove box of my car, is a pair of gloves.
Nothing embarrasses a psychic more that throwing them a surprise party.
So does screaming at my son in Chuck E. Cheese because he won`t share his game tokens with me make me an evil person? Just kidding! I have no clue whose kid this is.
Men at 25 play football. Men at 40 play tennis. Men at 60 play golf. Have you noticed that as you get older your balls get smaller?